Cruise Control

You may have noticed I didn't post Monday or Wednesday this week, and I would like to say it's because I've been so busy coming up with spectacular lesson plans and catching up on paper work. Unfortunately that's not the case. I've fallen into a routine that's threatening to become a rut. And I want to be careful not to become too comfortable, because I still have so much work to do towards becoming an effective teacher.

Thinking back this week has been kind of off and lackluster. Between Halloween, today's practice ELA exam and taking a sick day Monday I feel like I've been trying to find my rhythm. I'm worried that I'm letting myself become complacent (read: lazy) and with ALP out of the classroom I may be less stressed, but I'm not concentrating on my teaching or classroom management as much as I could be. Today it was clear I still don't have the respect of all my students, and if I don't get it soon the same problems with ALP will resurface in one way or another.

Today I felt I found my rhythm a bit, but then tomorrow's Friday. Before I was trying to get through each day and each day felt like an eternity. Now I'm wondering how I'll have enough time to get everything (reading assessments, portfolios, my bulletin board, test prep) done. There just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day anymore. The upside of all this is that I can see the end in sight. Not that I'm in a hurry for the year to be over, but it's nice to think that I can and will finish out the year. And who knows, maybe I'll find a way to be not just an effective, but a good teacher along the way.

What's Really Scary

I'm trying to reflect on today but nothing profound is coming to mind. Things are remarkably simpler without ALP in the classroom and while my patience is constantly being tested by a number of students I don't find myself completely exhausted at the day's end anymore. It's amazing how much time and energy I have to think about teaching rather than the misbehavior of one student. Things are stabilizing, and dare I say, I'm finding a bit of a routine.

It's only 8 weeks into my "career" as a teacher. I am incredibly behind in my reading assessments and my students' portfolios. So, I have to put the broader curriculum on the back burner for a bit and focus entirely on these mandated assignments. Thursday I'll be spending half the day administering predictive assessments aka practice tests for the state tests. Friday I'm having my first formal observation. These are the things, or rather normal concerns, that are catching up to me after weeks of struggling to keep my head above the water.

Tomorrow is Halloween and my class is having a Halloween party. I can't imagine what trick or treating is like in the neighborhood around my school, although I have to guess it's better than a lot of the even worse neighborhoods in the Bronx. Today I had an unpleasant and uncomfortable reminder of how quickly some of my kids are growing up. I found a note on the floor of my classroom closet that was far too graphic or vulgar to repeat here. This is a note written by a 10 year-old! When you think about how much of the innocence of childhood that many of us take for granted is being deprived of students in these areas, that's a really scary thought.

More Carrot, Less Stick

I can't believe how quickly this week went and how easy in comparison to the past few weeks it felt. Before I went to work this morning I had to remind myself: "Don't get soft. The week's not over yet and you still have work to do with your management." Still, it felt pretty good to see Friday on the horizon and not have (seriously) considered quitting yet this week.

Today still had plenty of rough patches. My mentor from this special literacy program called Aussie came into observe and it was basically the worst excuse for a lesson ever. It was unimaginative and not well-thought out and not surprisingly the kids were all over the place. She pulled me aside and said, "You're doing a lot of things right, but you have to be firmer." Although that may be true, I also have to blame most of the misbehavior on the nature of the lesson itself. It was boring and confusing, and I now know that's a recipe for disaster.

In the afternoon there was more of the same. Kids were constantly wandering around the class and out of their seats. I had a parent and the principal come in at two separate times and the scene was not pretty. Again I can trace the chaos largely to the nature of the lesson.

Reflecting on the marginal success of today and this past week I feel like I can trace it to the system of incentives I've built. I totally scrapped the system of "3 strikes" I was using and now have a classroom management built entirely on positive reinforcement. Students are rewarded individually with "Hits" and as a row with "Hits". This week I made a chart for the whole class so that each time a row reaches 10 hits a slice of a pumpkin is filled in. If the whole pumpkin is filled in the class will get a Halloween party.

Then there's the awards I give daily and weekly to individuals (MVP of the Day and MVP of the Week) and to rows (Row of the Week). Then today I added a new system to try to improve my kids behavior in the hall. I am awarding points to either the boys line or girls line for being quiet and walking in an orderly fashion.

It's amazing how effective these systems are. Even better they're easy and they feel a lot better than negative consequences. I know I still have work to do on my tone and authority. I'm reminded of this every time I have to repeat myself (two, three, four times), wait for quiet or sometimes tap a student on the shoulder to get their attention. Still, with ALP gone, I feel like I have time to concentrate on being a better teacher instead of how to control one child.

What's in an MA?

As part of my Teaching Fellows program I am required to take classes towards my Masters so that in two years I will be a fully certified teacher. At best, my weekly class is a chance to commiserate with my co-Fellows and at worst the affair is a total waste of time. This semester I'm taking Multicultural Literacy and a general seminar. I don't want to say that the Masters program is completely worthless experience, but I'm just having a hard time finding the value from the abstract discussions in my university classes when I'm grinding it out as a real teacher on a daily basis in my classroom.

To put things in a positive light though, I will say how good it is to see my co-Fellows regularly. We really are a Band of Brothers (although all but five us are women), fighting the good fight in the trenches of New York City's worst schools. I can't speak for everyone, but for me, just seeing my co-Fellows refocuses me and reminds me of how far we've come already.

On top of that our weekly reunion gives me a chance to gain some perspective on my situation. Yes, things are hard. But, my administration is far better from some of the nightmare stories I'm hearing of vindictive or wholly incompetent principals. My support network of teachers and specialists is definitely preferable to the situation of many of my co-Fellows who find themselves lost with little advice and no curriculum map. I said last week, "Things could always be worse." Unfortunately for many of my co-Fellows I'm not sure if things could be much worse.

As one of my co-Fellows said today, this is the state of education in NYC. Our class of 25 is a small subsection of 1500+ Fellows who are a subsection of the largest school system in the nation. We find ourselves lost, overwhelmed and under-prepared. How are things ever going to improve when a program like Fellows that is meant to heal a broken school system is producing so much frustration and failure? I don't have an answer, but it's a question that keeps coming up in our group during our weekly meetings.

A Good Day

I was looking forward to going to class today. That isn't to say things were especially easy, or that I thought they would be. But, just knowing that ALP wasn't going to be in my class, constantly pushing and testing, took a huge weight off my mind and made it that much easier to head to school.

Then I showed up to pick up my class and there he was. I swear to God I got sick to my stomach and tried not to let it show. I welcomed him back, and took the class upstairs. Then first chance I got I found my assistant principal and asked him what ALP was doing back in my class. Luckily, it wasn't the way it looked. ALP wasn't back in my class, he was just blatantly ignoring what my AP had told him. I don't know if I was able to hold back my smile when the AP escorted him out of my class, but I know I felt a big rush of relief.

Today wasn't an easy day by any means. I had two students who almost every bit as disobedient and disrespectful as ALP. And the rest of the day I struggled to keep the class on task and quiet. Still I feel like I'm gaining some sort of control. I set up my overhead projector finally and I have a clear idea of where I'm going with my class. If I can improve my lessons and make them truly engaging I like my chances at finally taking full control of my class and getting some real teaching done.

Just to Get By

I realized today that I've been falling prey to a sort of Catch 22. The more I've struggled the more I've been trying to just get by. But, things only get harder when you don't plan for every scenario and try to plan out the smallest minutia of your day. So by just doing enough to get by, I was making it that much harder to do so. I'm not gonna turn into a super-organized, super-prepared teacher overnight, but realizing the dividends it will pay is a pretty good incentive to move in that direction.

Meanwhile, today was the first day without ALP in my classroom. It was still hard, but better overall. I saw him twice today and he grinned a horrible grin. How did I let a 10 year-old get into my head so badly? He might be the devil. What's really bothering me is a comment he made Friday that hit a little too close to home. "Why can't you handle anything yourself? You're always trying to get [the parent coordinator, the guidance counselor and other teachers] involved, because you can't handle anything yourself." I'm afraid he might be right. And if he is, even having him removed from my classroom won't fix the bigger problem: me.

Homecoming

I feel incredibly lost, exhausted and angry all at once. I'm embarrassed and ashamed by the lack of control and discipline in my classroom. I want to break something very badly. I want to forget that this afternoon ever happened.

ALP is being removed from my classroom. I am trying to pick up the pieces from a horrible afternoon. I need to rest and plan for the week ahead. But all my friends are heading to Philadelphia for Homecoming and I'm going to be damned if I stay in NYC to sulk and marinate in my misery. I earned a chance to unwind and a weekend to be with my friends.

I can see now how this profession can easily turn people spiteful and bitter. I feel very angry towards my students right now, but I know they are hardly the ones to blame. I am determined not to let a bad afternoon (not even a bad day) get to me. The kids are acting out, because they want a competent teacher and an effective disciplinarian. Hopefully next week I will take steps towards being that person.

So close...

Just one day away from another weekend. This week has been tough, but even though it's a lot of the same problems with the same students, I feel like it's getting easier. At the very least I can say I'm building up a resistance to the frustration and stress of the job. Even if things aren't getting better I don't feel completely drained at the end of each day anymore.

For most of the week I've been sick. I'm amazed that I made it to the end without taking a sick day. But, I think it's a good sign. This weekend is time (once again) to recharge, regroup, and rethink my teaching. I know what I need to do to improve and I know that my lesson planning is inextricably linked to my behavior problems.

I have come to realize that 99% of the misbehavior in the classroom is my fault. It's not even the fact that I'm too quiet or too nice. Almost all of the misbehavior is either because the kids are bored or confused. So my goal this weekend is to come up with creative, exciting lessons that really engage my students. Right now things just aren't clicking. I don't expect to figure it all out in one weekend, but hopefully things will turn a corner next week.

It Could Always Be Worse

I was doing some test prep with the kids and the sample passage was a Jewish folk tale (and people say these tests aren't ethnically diverse). I'll do my best to retell the story here:

The folk tale tells the story of a poor man who lives with huge family in a small hut. The noise and fighting is driving him crazy so he goes to the rabbi.

The rabbi asks if he has any animals and the man says, "Yes, some chickens, geese and ducks."

"Bring them into the hut with you." The man is shocked and confused, but trusts in the wise rabbi and does what he says. With the chickens, geese and ducks in the small hut the noise only gets worse until the man has to go back to the rabbi.

"Rabbi, I can't stand the noise! It's too much."

"Do you have any other animals?"

"I have a goat."

"Bring the goat into your home." Again the man is confused, but he does as the rabbi instructs. Again the noise gets worse and the man returns to the rabbi and complains.

"Rabbi, why did you tell me to bring the goat into my house? The noise is even worse than before!"

"Do you have a cow?" the rabbi asks. Exhausted and frustrated, the man replies yes. Again the rabbi tells him to bring the animal into his home and again the poor man complies.

Time passes and the small hut is even more crowded and noisy than ever and finally the man goes back to the rabbi.

"Rabbi, I'm going crazy. There's no room and the noise is out of control!"

"Put the animals back outside." The rabbi doesn't have to tell the man twice. He rushes home and puts the animals back into the yard. That night the man and his family have the most perfect night of rest. The next day he rushes to tell the rabbi.

"Rabbi," the man says, "I slept so well last night. I finally had some peace and quiet."

"Just remember," the rabbi replied, "When you think you have things bad, it could always be worse."

Why do I mention this story? Well, considering the complaining I've been doing about the noise and number of students in my classroom, it seems pretty apropos. I guess maybe I just need to bring some farm animals into my classroom to give myself some perspective.

Feed Them On Your Dreams

Why did I want to be a teacher? This is a question I am asking myself daily. Not because I'm finding the experience so horrific (although that's a good guess), but because I have to constantly remind myself what the goal of this entire experience was when I first enrolled in the Teaching Fellows program.

For example, when soliciting advice from seasoned teachers I have heard the suggestion to "embarrass and humiliate them" if they are doing something they're not supposed to. So, I ask, "Why did I want to be a teacher?" Not to resort to verbal abuse and humiliation, even if it achieves complete control. I will get control of my classroom, but not using means that undermine my end - to lift kids up and help them achieve.

Or, after a day of ALP giving me his usual mouthful of disrespect and contempt, I have to ask, "Why did I want to be a teacher?" Not to let a troubled 10 year-old run me out of my classroom and ruin teaching and learning for me and 25 other kids. So if getting ALP out of my classroom means admitting defeat, I'm fine with that. I'll just file it under losing the battle, but not the war. Because I'm tired of letting one kid destroy a day of learning for the whole class.

I wanted to be a teacher, because I sincerely believe it represents a chance to change the world. It's cheesy and a bit self-aggrandizing, but it's the truth. We pursue our careers of choice to make some sort of mark on the world whether it's through medicine, business, law or education. Even if I don't make teaching my career I wanted a chance to leave my mark on the world. I'm not saying I'm bringing about global change, but when it's all said and done I hope I can say I did something that left the world better than before I got here.

When it's 6 am "Why did I want to be a teacher?" sounds like a very different question. But at the end of the day, asking myself that question helps remind me that I'm not doing this for a paycheck, summer vacation or life experience. Hopefully in 8 months when I'm finally enjoying that vacation I'll be able to read this post, and say I earned it; I did what I set out to do.

Laugh it Off

Did I mention my kids tell me my breath stinks? For a while they would just say it behind my back and I would pretend not to hear. Once one of them (one guess as to which student) started saying it to my face that became harder to do. So today when I heard it once again, I just asked politely, "Well, do you have a tic-tac?" It didn't really shut him up, but at least it was better than saying nothing.

Today was another challenging day. But I feel like I'm building up a resistance to the frustration of so much time wasted and so much energy expended, just trying to get through a lesson plan without half the class talking over the one student who's trying to read aloud or share an idea. And at the end of the day I still was able to smile and joke. Which feels somehow like a small victory.

6 Weeks Down...

This was a short week, and I shudder to think what next week will be like if every day is like the past two. As bad as today was it didn't break me down as badly as I felt last week. Still, I know I cannot continue to teach in a classroom that is this chaotic.

Today was a scene out of every teacher's nightmare. ALP was dancing on top of his desk. Students were throwing paper balls and pencils at one another, passing notes and screaming across the classroom. Needless to say I did not accomplish much. I wasted a period and a half trying to get through my read aloud, a mistake I admit. I need to learn to cut my losses and move on, because when I stick stubbornly to my plan it will never end with a win for me. At best it will be a stalemate.

What's so frustrating is I can't figure out why things go well one day and go so wrong another. I'm trying so hard to reflect on what I'm doing and compare the good days to the bad. But really, I'm completely baffled. All I can really think of is the day and a half that went well was because ALP wasn't acting out. But I can't let my whole class pivot on the behavior of one student.

One thing I did learn this week was what I can and can't say in the classroom. Apparently I can't say heck. Or "I swear to God...". Then of course I accidentally let a "goddamn" slip out late Thursday, about 20 minutes after dismissal. That one I think I already knew. That was a low point and an example of my letting my frustration get the better of me. That's the hardest part I think, is not letting my frustration show and pretending to always be in total control.

So, two days to recharge, regroup and prepare for another week in the trenches.

And Back to Square One

I knew I spoke too soon. I knew that I shouldn't let one decent day get my confidence up or my guard down. A four day weekend can make you forget what a week of hell feels like and it can make you soft.

It took me 20 minutes to get my kids down to lunch. It took 20 minutes to take my kids down during dismissal. I wasted so much time and energy today. I yelled at the top of my lungs and accidentally said (not so subtly) under my breath "I'm so goddamn sick of this". Then I got ripped a new one by a parent when I told her her daughter wasn't behaving well in class.

In short, today was not a good day. But, tomorrow is Friday. I gotta regroup and go in tomorrow like today didn't happen. I just wish I could tell why some days go so well and some days crash and burn. I've upped the positive reinforcements and I'm trying to be consistent with my consequences. Beyond that I'm pretty much stumped.

Back to School

Maybe giving myself a three day week wasn't a good idea, but I do know I felt fully energized in the classroom this morning. It felt like a fresh start and I went in the class ready to kick ass and take names (pedagogically speaking of course). My instructional consultant (a mentor of sorts from the UC Santa Cruz New Teacher Center) observed me this morning and said the difference between this week and last was like night and day. Even I was shocked that ALP and the rest of the problem posse were engaged and well-behaved.

Of course later during 4th period, the last period before lunch, ALP was back to his old ways and several students were passing notes and it felt like I was right back to square one. Still I tried to kill ALP with kindness aka positive reinforcement. Today I introduced an MVP of the Day in addition to my MVP of the Week award and ALP was the first student to win.

What happened next when ALP came up to choose a prize from the prize box really put things into perspective for me. Of all the prizes in the box which include some toys and candy ALP chose a pencil. This reminded me of two things I sometimes forget. One: Deep down ALP just wants to learn. Two: ALP is just a kid, because really why else would someone choose a lame pencil with stars on it over candy?

My Day Off

I woke up this morning feeling awake and ready to go back to work. But when I got out of the shower I had a thought. What if I didn't go? So I called in and said I wasn't coming in and went back to sleep.

As soon as I was asleep I had the most vivid dream that I was at school and while I was struggling to get my students to arrange their desks properly my 2nd/3rd grade teacher was taking notes. I knew it was a dream. I knew that I had just called in so I wasn't at school, but it didn't stop it from feeling so intense and real. As soon as I said as much to my teacher I slipped back out, feeling much relieved to be in bed instead of the classroom.

I wish I could say I spent the day doing nothing. But rather than doing my nails and catching up on my stories I did laundry, graded papers, wrote an ethnic autobiography for my mind-numbing Multicultural Literacy class and did some lesson planning. Of course, it's only 5 o'clock so I can still celebrate my freedom somehow, perhaps with some combination of hookers and blow (just kidding Mom!). It's funny how much the tone of this blog changes when I don't spend the day being emotionally trampled by underachieving preteens.

Time Flies...

I wouldn't say I'm having fun, but I'm still surprised how fast this year is going by. I'm thinking about May. It feels so far away, but really less than 5 months ago I was graduating and didn't know what I was doing next. It wasn't until Friday before commencement that I was accepted to Teaching Fellows and I even had any options. It wasn't that long ago I was just relaxing in Nantucket with my friends and practically on a whim decided to enroll in the Teaching Fellows program, without being sure I would actually do it.

Then June came and less than two weeks before training started I signed the commitment forms and signed up for tests and bought a ticket to New York. When I think about my decision what strikes me is that it was motivated by nothing more than an ideal. I had no idea what teaching really meant or how hard it would really be. The pre-service training while not preparing me completely for classroom teaching, did help prepare me for the reality of teaching as more than an idea. It helped me see teaching as something concrete, and something very, very hard.

Now it's already October. I'm like a real, working adult now. It's weird. And I actually made it through the first month of teaching including this past week, which was easily the hardest yet. Making it through this week, barely, gave me hope. And today, it clicked, perhaps for the first time. Teaching can be fun. And watching the kids enjoy what they're doing is amazing to watch. Now it's on me to make that happen more and more. When I have complete control of the class I know I can do that. Until then I'll take the rare moments like today's as they come.

"Fiiiight!"

I broke up two fights today - one between two of my kids and another between kids from another class. It was the third fight to break out in my class, not counting two or three scuffles (that's the technical term). All three fights have broken out going to or from my classroom, which leads me to believe I need to enforce tighter control when the kids are in line and do a better job of keeping all the kids in my eyesight.

Aside from causing me to reflect on what I can do to keep these fights from happening (and what they represent in terms of my own lack of control) what also strikes me about these fights is how quickly they happen. It can start with something as small as a look, someone saying "Shh!" or someone accidentally bumping into someone else. Or it can start with something more serious like a Dominican girl telling her classmate that Jamaica is a shitty island.

Either way it's a constant reminder of the kind of intense and brutal environment these kids grow up in. Fists are the go-to method of mediation and on several occasions students have said something to the effect of, "My mom told me if anyone bothers me to punch him out." So when that's the message being taught at home it's no wonder that violence erupts so easily in school.

Smiles and Cries

Before I started teaching I told people that the classroom environment is like a battleground for psychological warfare. Whether it's something as simple as the old "Don't smile until Christmas" rule or more complex decisions about what you tell your students about your age, marital status, background, etc. every interaction is basically a struggle for a control for the minds in your classroom.

It always kind of reminded me of this dialogue from Training Day where the trainee, Ethan Hawke, is talking about how to survive as a narcotics officer in L.A.

Jake Hoyt: You know, I already figured [the streets] out.
Alonzo Harris: Really?
Roger: You already figured the streets out.
Jake Hoyt: It's all about smiles and cries.
Alonzo Harris: Put the drink down, man, the motherfuckers out of his mind.
Roger: Hold on, Alonzo, hold on. Smiles and cries, smiles and cries, I hear ya.
Jake Hoyt: Yeah. You gotta control your smiles and cries, because that's all you have and nobody can take that away from you.

Now obviously our vocations are a bit different, but the idea of putting up an emotional wall feels similar. All day I've got kids talking about they hate me, they hate my class, my breath stinks and on and on. And I've got to not only block out what I hear from them, but also block what I let out. I can't let them see me with my guard down or that their words get to me.

The battle to control how you're perceived is one and the same as the battle over control of the classroom. Right now, quite simply I am losing that battle. I'm a nice guy. Which, as my mentor so bluntly put it, means the kids see me as a chump, a loser. Now I need to prove that I'm not just a nice guy, that I'm the one in control of the classroom and I need to prove it quick.

Coping Mechanisms

I have to constantly remind myself: you knew exactly what you were getting into. You knew this was supposed to be the hardest year of your life. If I don't do this, I start to think crazy thoughts. Thoughts like how nice it would be to sleep in until 7 or 8 each morning. Thoughts like sending my resume to nice, cushy, bullshit jobs at PR and law firms. But a quick gut check - reminding myself I knew what I was up against when I enrolled in Teaching Fellows and convincing myself I am strong enough to do this - usually is enough to stifle those misguided fantasies.

Slowly I am trying to come to terms with the fact that whatever validation I hope to get as a first year teacher is at least eight months away. What a strange and frustrating concept. You're going to go through the hardest experience of your life, but it won't be worth anything until it's all over in June. Until then it will only get marginally easier. And most likely it will get harder first.

I made a trip to Barnes and Noble today and bought four books- a book of word puzzles for one of my problem kids, a book of writing prompts called The Daily Spark, Not in My Classroom: A Teacher's Guide to Effective Classroom Management, and The Bully Free Classroom. Right now I'm drawing from a vast and varied network for support- my friends, family, fellow teacher, fellow Fellows, books and perhaps most importantly music. There's a lot of stuff on my iPod that helps pump me up for the day, or relax me after a long day. One thing I've learned is a little Miles goes a long way after a day in my class.

For those interested, here's my go-to pick-me-up playlist called Musical Prozac (not proven to be as effective as the pharmaceutical variety). Feel free to make suggestions for additions with a comment below:

1. Dave Matthews Band - "Two Step"
2. Sufjan Stevens - "Chicago"
3. The Beatles - "Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da"
4. Led Zeppelin - "Over the Hills & Far Away"
5. The Beatles - "Here Comes the Sun"
6. Dave Matthews Band - "Ants Marching"
7. Ben Harper - "Better Way"
8. Dispatch - "Bats in the Belfry"
9. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - "Is This Love?"
10. Architecture in Helsinki - "The Cemetary"
11. The Polyphonic Spree - "Light & Day"
12. The Beatles - "Getting Better"
13. Death Cab for Cutie - "Marching Bands of Manhattan"

UPDATE: I do want to add one more thing. As bad as this week's Monday/Tuesday one-two punch was, I feel like I turned a corner with one of my problem kids. By approaching his misbehavior as a learning problem and not a behavior problem I was able to get him on task with extra prompting and extra attention. I wasn't able to give him enough attention to keep him on task all afternoon, because there happens to be a class of 25 (and growing) other students. But, still it felt like progress.

First, Do No Harm

First a quick note. Thanks to a PC reminder from my mom, AM will henceforth be known as ALP, short for Antagonistic Little Person rather than the un-PC nickname Antagonistic Midget.

Moving on, today was all kinds of bad. I didn't recharge my batteries enough for the weekend and went in this morning exhausted. The kids must have smelled blood in the water, because their behavior was atrocious. I think another contributing factor to the outbreak of misbehavior was a new seating arrangement to accommodate the reading rug that now puts the students seated right next to each other so they're much more easily distracted.

The list of infractions I dealt with today could go on and on. But, the worst obviously came from ALP and another as of yet un-nicknamed student who is just as bad. Out of their seats, talking, talking, talking, wandering around the front of class, grabbing stuff in my hands, and picking on other students. All for no other reason than they feel they can. At one point the other student was asked to be quiet by a classmate and he said, "Okay, I'll do it because you asked," and pointing to me, "But not for him."

ALP actually made two other students cry today. I knew he hated me, but I didn't figure him for a bully. I can handle the disrespect he unleashes on me, but when I can't keep my other students in a safe, comfortable learning environment I know I've really failed. I don't mind the steep learning curve of being a new teacher. I know there are about a million and one areas for me to improve in. But today after teaching practically no material, and standing by helpless* as ALP terrorized other students I had to wonder if right now I'm doing more harm than good.

*Obviously he doesn't listen to my instructions to sit down and leave the other students alone and when I called both the guidance counselor and assistant principal nobody picked up.