Asking Why Me?

One of the first questions Linda Nathan asked us in our course, Building a Democratic School, was a simple one. Why are you the person to do this work? And yet as simple as the question appeared, it resonated with me, and echoed through my thoughts for the entire semester and to this day.

It's embarrassing that in some ways this was the first time I really thought about this question on a meaningful level. What's even scarier is that many of us in education never take the time to examine this question at all.

In doing so, many of us engage - unwittingly or otherwise - in a sort of "white savior" complex, whereby we assume the skills, knowledge, passion, etc are what are needed to "fix" urban education. Even for those of us who avoid this Dangerous Minds/Freedom Writers mindset, a lack of self-reflection and criticism can create an arrogance whereby we believe lofty academic credentials entitle us to positions of authority.

As a graduate of Penn, and a member of a program like NYC Teaching Fellows that prides itself on its selectivity, this was already a dangerous trap for me. This past year at Harvard threatened to ensnare me further in this thinking, if not for Dr. Nathan's question.

Time and again in courses professors would remind us that next year we would be leaders at the city, state and federal level. On the surface, it seemed our professors were just trying to emphasize the importance of learning a certain concept or understanding the complexity of an issue. But at the same time, they were reinforcing the inevitability of our ascent to power.

Midway through the year, I was at a dinner with friends, discussing our plans for after HGSE. "I think I may want to start a school, but I don't really think I'm ready for that." One of my friends seemed almost taken aback. "You're going to have a degree from Harvard, why wouldn't you be ready?"

It's this thinking that a degree from a certain institution confers omnipotence and omniscience that can lead to disastrous consequences. I worry about what it has wrought already in the marginalization of poor communities of color. I worry that it will continue to happen if my peers and I don't embrace a little more humility and self-doubt.

Why am I the person to do this work? After a few months of reflection you might think I would have a perfected response. But truthfully, I don't think I should ever have an answer that gives me total satisfaction.

I know that I am completely committed to fighting educational inequity, because it is at the crux of injustice in our society. I know that I want deeply for the students I work with to have access to all the opportunities and privileges I was afforded growing up. But I also know that I cannot do this without the voices and hard work of many, many others working alongside me. Knowing that it's not just me who can or should do this work, might be the beginning of an answer to Dr. Nathan's question.